I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
