It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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