Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
