believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
