You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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