the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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