I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
