I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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