I will die if light touches me.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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