somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
