Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
