So drunk its hurt
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
