he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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