some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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