i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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