Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
