it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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