Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
