I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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