Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
