Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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