Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
