she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
this just has baby written all over it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dear god my vagina.
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