Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
