I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize