Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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