Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
