If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize