Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize