so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
