Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
