:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
