there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you had me at cake vodka
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
