can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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