I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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