From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
