The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
