$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
