Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
