We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
