You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize