He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize