So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
