ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
