Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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