Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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