wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
