I am full of burrito and curiosity
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
