my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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