I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
