I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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