just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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