Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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