Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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