There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
