I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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