im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
