just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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