i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
