umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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