i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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