New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
