Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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