we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
