is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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