That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Say something about gay babies.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
