Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
