So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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