Yo dont text me then not text me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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