Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
