if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
