you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
