Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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