u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
where are my eyebrows?
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