pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sober January is a disaster.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
