What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
