I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
