Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just forgot I was standing up.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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