I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
