My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
